ARGHHHHH!!!

Fuck. Lots of proverbial shit hitting the fan around here. First off, I had to quit running. I got hurt pretty bad, doing something pretty stupid, and well, doc says its a no-go. Damn. Down to only walking. I guess I can deal. Constant headaches, wich will make it pretty much a no-go for the lap-band procedure this year as well. Double Damn. I am not sure if I will have the same insurance coverage next year. Oh well, guess it wasn't really meant to be. One foot in front of the other right?

OOPS?

Today has been an all around lousy day. My alarm clock was supposed to go off at 4:30am. I woke up at 5:08am. I usually leave for work at 5:15am. You can see why this would be problematic! I get to work (on time, in a bad mood) and lament the fact that I can no longer consume caffeine. Celebrate the fact that today is my "Friday." Start pushing shopping carts, and run over my bloody foot. Luckily the store is still not open yet, and I can freely cuss over the pain in my toes. Kick said rack of shopping carts with the good foot.
Open the store at six, lo-and-behold. Our entire check stand system is running so slow that I could have probably hand charged everyone in the same amount of time as the computer was taking to figure it out. Attempt to re-boot my computer and FAIL at that. STILL running slow. Fuck it. Open another check stand, and while it is running slow, its STILL faster than my assigned check stand.
Side rant: If you shop at a grocery store where there is a club type rewards card? Yeah, please REALISE that the poor cashier has to get three screens deep before being able to enter your freaking phone number! The little old ladies and grumpy old dudes are the WORST with this! Please dear shitty customer, let me greet you before you scream your phone number at me! Better yet? Don't lose the three cards we have given you when you signed up! It's enough to drive a grown arsed woman to dire frustration allowing her a mental picture of climbing over the check stand, and playing Choke-a-bitch with the next mental case driving a putt putt cart! Oh, and to the woman that always fucks up her grocery shopping EVERY DAMNED WEEK, requiring me to have to void countless items to fit the amount of money you have? FUCK YOU! You know how much cash you rolled into the store with. USE a piece of paper and a damned calculator you stupid twit! End rant.
Struggle through most of my day, and got sent home early, around 12:30pm. WOOHOO. Go to take a nap. Wake up thinking today is now MONDAY, haul ass to get the reading at least half done, and go to test on what I have just read. WHAT do you mean its Sunday and the tests haven't dropped to available? Shit. I give up.

I did not want to post yesterday.

I feel SO discouraged right now. I realise that I have to jump through the insurance hoops in order to get the insurance company to agree to pay for the lap band surgery. I get it, I really do. HOWEVER, I have to pay the copay now, once a month, to go see a doctor or a nutritionist for the next six months to be on a "physician supervised" diet for six months. OK whatever. HOWEVER what happens when the insurance company decides to drop that particular coverage for the next year? by the time I am through the six month period, they may no longer cover any bariatric surgery for ANY reason! ARGHHHHH!
Plus, at the required educational meeting, they put us on this scale that figures out your body composition. Frankly, I am heavier than I thought. I had thought that I was under the 300lb mark. Nope. Apparently my scale lies by 15 pounds. Ugh. I wanted to cry!
My friend and I figured out, that if each of us switches issues, My obesity for her anorexia, both of our problems would be solved! LOL she has just as much danger now being anorexic, as I do being fat. It somehow doesn't seem fair. She is the only woman I know to order her wedding dress, and then have it come in WAY too big!

Running. Day 2

Adventures of fat girl running, day 2. Tonight, I ran the second day of week one in the couch to 5k program. Not loving it, defintatly not HATING it, but not exactly warm and fuzzy about it either. Suprisingly enough, when I finish running, I am feeling okay. Not like all those times in gradeschool and highschool when they "made us run the mile" and us fat kids were left in the dust.... and the popular athletic kids could run it twice in the time that the fat kid got almost there. I was not prepared for THAT feeling to come back to me.
The more people that find out about what I am doing, the more people seem to WANT to do it with me. I am game for that, even if you are halfway across the country, join me!
I broke down, and had part of a diet coke today. It tasted funny, and I only managed 1/4 of it before I threw it away. I consider that a progress of some measure.
School is doing great, Just have one assignment due this week, and am still not sure WHAT to write about. Better get my ass in gear about it.

I'm paddling away!

I have thus far, not had a SINGLE soda today! Iced tea is my friend. Today, I drank a gallon sweetened with Splenda, and a half gallon of plain water. Ick. HATE water, but I know I have to do it! All things considered, I am doing okay. Yes I realise that iced tea still has caffiene, HOWEVER I can NOT do it cold turkey. I am "stepping down" the caffiene!

Ah, the educational class.

OOPS! Thursday at 5:30 Mountain time, I will walk into an educational meeting for bariatric surgery, flanked on one side by a 5'7 size 0 best friend and former boss, and a 6'3 amazon plus sized woman Friend/co worker on the other. These two people, are my biggest supporters! They have cheered me on in my decision to slay the demons of my past, have sat with me while I cried that ugly cry, and told me that "yes, he is indeed a douchenozzle" when the ex screwed up. These two, through thick and thin, have laughed with me, cried with me, and been total bitches to others who would attempt to bring me down.
I can not even begin to describe how much their support and encouragement have meant to me. I owe them a debt that I fear I will never be able to repay. They have helped me to find ME.
I am afraid of this meeting. Once I go through this, it becomes REAL. At this point, all the preparations have been on the superficial level really. I have done the research, listed the pros and cons of each of my options. I have started to take the baby steps required before we can even be considered for this. This is REAL. At this point, I am still not sure that we can get insurance approval, and this is where everything lies. I can NOT afford to do this 100% out of pocket. I don't know many people who can. I am closing my eyes, asking for a miracle, and hoping that my insurance company can justify paying for this expense rather than take the risk that my family inheritance has left me.

Running attempt, take 2

I scored a sweet pair of nike running shoes on Monday. Almost half off. The beauty is that even though they are men's, they fit my Flinstone feet correctly! YAY! I went running around 945 Monday night, simply because it was too bloody hot to attempt it before that time. I figured I would take things easy, break in the new shoes, and work up to the whole running for sixty seconds walking for ninety seconds thing. I must say, I did GREAT! I hated it the whole time, but did NOT give up and walk it all. Granted I skipped three of the intervals of running, BUT I did not give up. I kept at it. the intervals that I skipped, I did make an effort to walk them at a faster pace than during the cool down intervals in the session. I think I am going to do the week one session for two weeks. I have a big ass neighborhood, and I managed to make it all the way to the other end before I started getting a pinch in my side. This is good news, because well, any other attempt to run, all the way back to grade school, and two minutes in I wanted to DIE! Will be "resting" tomorrow with only a slow walk around the neighborhood with the kiddo, but I am happy to say I am not fully dreading it. Maybe this isn't so bad after all?