ARGHHHHH!!!

Fuck. Lots of proverbial shit hitting the fan around here. First off, I had to quit running. I got hurt pretty bad, doing something pretty stupid, and well, doc says its a no-go. Damn. Down to only walking. I guess I can deal. Constant headaches, wich will make it pretty much a no-go for the lap-band procedure this year as well. Double Damn. I am not sure if I will have the same insurance coverage next year. Oh well, guess it wasn't really meant to be. One foot in front of the other right?

I did not want to post yesterday.

I feel SO discouraged right now. I realise that I have to jump through the insurance hoops in order to get the insurance company to agree to pay for the lap band surgery. I get it, I really do. HOWEVER, I have to pay the copay now, once a month, to go see a doctor or a nutritionist for the next six months to be on a "physician supervised" diet for six months. OK whatever. HOWEVER what happens when the insurance company decides to drop that particular coverage for the next year? by the time I am through the six month period, they may no longer cover any bariatric surgery for ANY reason! ARGHHHHH!
Plus, at the required educational meeting, they put us on this scale that figures out your body composition. Frankly, I am heavier than I thought. I had thought that I was under the 300lb mark. Nope. Apparently my scale lies by 15 pounds. Ugh. I wanted to cry!
My friend and I figured out, that if each of us switches issues, My obesity for her anorexia, both of our problems would be solved! LOL she has just as much danger now being anorexic, as I do being fat. It somehow doesn't seem fair. She is the only woman I know to order her wedding dress, and then have it come in WAY too big!

Running. Day 2

Adventures of fat girl running, day 2. Tonight, I ran the second day of week one in the couch to 5k program. Not loving it, defintatly not HATING it, but not exactly warm and fuzzy about it either. Suprisingly enough, when I finish running, I am feeling okay. Not like all those times in gradeschool and highschool when they "made us run the mile" and us fat kids were left in the dust.... and the popular athletic kids could run it twice in the time that the fat kid got almost there. I was not prepared for THAT feeling to come back to me.
The more people that find out about what I am doing, the more people seem to WANT to do it with me. I am game for that, even if you are halfway across the country, join me!
I broke down, and had part of a diet coke today. It tasted funny, and I only managed 1/4 of it before I threw it away. I consider that a progress of some measure.
School is doing great, Just have one assignment due this week, and am still not sure WHAT to write about. Better get my ass in gear about it.

Ah, the educational class.

OOPS! Thursday at 5:30 Mountain time, I will walk into an educational meeting for bariatric surgery, flanked on one side by a 5'7 size 0 best friend and former boss, and a 6'3 amazon plus sized woman Friend/co worker on the other. These two people, are my biggest supporters! They have cheered me on in my decision to slay the demons of my past, have sat with me while I cried that ugly cry, and told me that "yes, he is indeed a douchenozzle" when the ex screwed up. These two, through thick and thin, have laughed with me, cried with me, and been total bitches to others who would attempt to bring me down.
I can not even begin to describe how much their support and encouragement have meant to me. I owe them a debt that I fear I will never be able to repay. They have helped me to find ME.
I am afraid of this meeting. Once I go through this, it becomes REAL. At this point, all the preparations have been on the superficial level really. I have done the research, listed the pros and cons of each of my options. I have started to take the baby steps required before we can even be considered for this. This is REAL. At this point, I am still not sure that we can get insurance approval, and this is where everything lies. I can NOT afford to do this 100% out of pocket. I don't know many people who can. I am closing my eyes, asking for a miracle, and hoping that my insurance company can justify paying for this expense rather than take the risk that my family inheritance has left me.

Running attempt, take 2

I scored a sweet pair of nike running shoes on Monday. Almost half off. The beauty is that even though they are men's, they fit my Flinstone feet correctly! YAY! I went running around 945 Monday night, simply because it was too bloody hot to attempt it before that time. I figured I would take things easy, break in the new shoes, and work up to the whole running for sixty seconds walking for ninety seconds thing. I must say, I did GREAT! I hated it the whole time, but did NOT give up and walk it all. Granted I skipped three of the intervals of running, BUT I did not give up. I kept at it. the intervals that I skipped, I did make an effort to walk them at a faster pace than during the cool down intervals in the session. I think I am going to do the week one session for two weeks. I have a big ass neighborhood, and I managed to make it all the way to the other end before I started getting a pinch in my side. This is good news, because well, any other attempt to run, all the way back to grade school, and two minutes in I wanted to DIE! Will be "resting" tomorrow with only a slow walk around the neighborhood with the kiddo, but I am happy to say I am not fully dreading it. Maybe this isn't so bad after all?

Getting my ass in gear.

Eat less. Move more. Simple really. I MUST get my ass moving if I am going to be successful on this journey. AS well as needing to fulfill the exercise requirements for treatment. I talked to one of the guys I work with, who just happens to do a little bit of personal training as a sideline gig. He seems to think that the couch to 5k program CAN work. It will just be tough. He advised me to take it slow, and double up on the total number of weeks that I do each step. Instead of 9 weeks, this will take 18, just to make sure that I am really ready to take each new step, as well as gradually ease myself into it. He thinks I should also re-evaluate after week six to see if doubling the weeks is working for me.
I didn't want to purchase the whole program from I.Tunes. SOOOOO A little bit of Google action, and I found THIS!
THE PODCASTS!
Podcasts, one for each week, that includes music, and instructions on when to run, when to walk, when to warm up and when to cool down! Holy Hannah! SUHHHWWEEETTT!
I am STILL contemplating taking the before pictures, and posting them.... Not sure that I have the balls to do so. Still seriously thinking though.