ARGHHHHH!!!

Fuck. Lots of proverbial shit hitting the fan around here. First off, I had to quit running. I got hurt pretty bad, doing something pretty stupid, and well, doc says its a no-go. Damn. Down to only walking. I guess I can deal. Constant headaches, wich will make it pretty much a no-go for the lap-band procedure this year as well. Double Damn. I am not sure if I will have the same insurance coverage next year. Oh well, guess it wasn't really meant to be. One foot in front of the other right?

Ah, the educational class.

OOPS! Thursday at 5:30 Mountain time, I will walk into an educational meeting for bariatric surgery, flanked on one side by a 5'7 size 0 best friend and former boss, and a 6'3 amazon plus sized woman Friend/co worker on the other. These two people, are my biggest supporters! They have cheered me on in my decision to slay the demons of my past, have sat with me while I cried that ugly cry, and told me that "yes, he is indeed a douchenozzle" when the ex screwed up. These two, through thick and thin, have laughed with me, cried with me, and been total bitches to others who would attempt to bring me down.
I can not even begin to describe how much their support and encouragement have meant to me. I owe them a debt that I fear I will never be able to repay. They have helped me to find ME.
I am afraid of this meeting. Once I go through this, it becomes REAL. At this point, all the preparations have been on the superficial level really. I have done the research, listed the pros and cons of each of my options. I have started to take the baby steps required before we can even be considered for this. This is REAL. At this point, I am still not sure that we can get insurance approval, and this is where everything lies. I can NOT afford to do this 100% out of pocket. I don't know many people who can. I am closing my eyes, asking for a miracle, and hoping that my insurance company can justify paying for this expense rather than take the risk that my family inheritance has left me.

Speed bump.....

So far, I fit EVERY criteria my insurance company requires for the Lap-band procedure. EXCEPT for one. I have not participated in a medically supervised diet program for six consecutive months in the last two years. DUH, I only RECENTLY got insurance. DUH I'm a single mom, in school, and working as a cashier. WHERE exactly was that money going to come from?
The person I spoke with at my insurance company said he has NEVER seen it approved without that requirement, however it's still worth a shot. I am wondering if BCBSofMN trains them to say stuff like that to discourage people.
One would think that by paying for a gastric procedure on someone (even without co-morbidity) would be in the best interest of the insurance company. The insurance cost and expenditures by the insurance company would of course be DRASTICALLY reduced, if, for instance, this procedure reverses the current joint issues I have. Or if it minimizes my already increased risk for Type II Diabetes. Two total knee replacements (for instance) cost more than one gastric lapband procedure.
I am contemplating starting taking self portraits. Bra and panties type. Yes I will post them. WHY? Because I want a record of where I started, and where I want to be. Remember to those of you who feel it would scar you... Tough shit. This is ALL about me!

informational packet

So, shortly after my very first post, I went to the mailbox and picked up my bariatric surgery informational packet. This is the stuff I have to read, acknowladge, and fill out prior to being seen by the bariatric team. Whooohooo it's ALWAYS a barrel of laughs when trying to remember what relative has wich disease. I had to call my mom, sister, and even brother, in order to gather the required information. Phew, the whole packet is complete already, with the exception of the three day food and excersize log. That starts tomorrow!
Hopefully, having already been working with a therapist these past few months, will count as a psychiatric evaluation completion in order to satisfy that requirement. I really don't look forward to adding another therapist to my list of medical providers that I have already been involved with. Frankly, therapy, and the ability to open up to said provider, is a challenging situation. It took me three months of family therapy with my son in order to finally admit to the therapist that I had a bigger issue to deal with, and schedule a single appointment with him. It was kind of odd to hear him say "I was wondering how long it would take you to cave in and talk to me." Aparently I am not good at hiding past trauma from a therapist. Scary huh?
Off I go to make dinner. I am making one of the family favorites. This may be the last time in my life I make it for myself to consume any of it. Over the last week, I have made a sort of "food bucket list" of the things that I know I will NEVER be able to eat again in my lifetime. So far, nothing earth shattering, and I can honestly say that the last Big Mac I ever ate, made me physically ILL! Guess its a good thing that I don't really like them anymore!